WHICH ONE WOULD YOU SAVE FIRST?
A man was talking to his wife and she asked him: “If a lion were to attack my mother and me, which one would you rescue first?” The man thought for a moment and then he said: “The lion, of course!”
¿A QUIÉN RESCATARÍAS PRIMERO?
Un señor estaba hablando con su esposa, y ella le pregunta: “¿Si un león nos atacara a mi mamá y a mí, ¿a quién rescatarías primero?” El esposo pienso un poquito y luego le contesta, “Al león, desde luego.”
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PEE?
Three men were cleaning windows fifty feet high on a scaffold. Matt had to pee, so he went down. The scaffold collapsed and the other two men on it died instantly. Matt told his wife what had happened and that the company was going to give each widow five hundred thousand dollars. His wife told him, “Matt, why did you have to pee?”
¿POR QUÉ TUVISTE QUE ORINAR?
Tres hombres estaban lavando ventanas en un andamio a cincuenta pies de altura. Mateo tenía que orinar y se bajó. El andamio colapsó y los otros dos hombres murieron instantáneamente. Mateo le dijo a su esposa lo que había sucedido, y también le dijo que la compañía le iba a dar quinientos mil dólares a cada viuda. La esposa le dijo: “¿Mateo, por qué tuviste que orinar?”
THREE ENGINEERS
Three engineers were drinking together in a bar. The American engineer told the other two: “We dug and we found electric wire three hundred feet below. That means we were wireless two hundred and ninety-nine years ago.” Not to be outdone, the Russian said: “We dug five hundred feet and we found electric wires. That means we were wireless four hundred and ninety-nine years ago.” The Mexican engineer thought a little and then he said: “We dug one thousand feet and did not find any electric wires. That means we have been wireless for at least one thousand years.”
LOS TRES INGENIEROS
Tres ingenieros estaban tomando en una cantina. El norteamericano les dijo a los otros dos, “Excavamos y encontramos alambre eléctrico a los trescientos pies. Eso significa que éramos inalámbricos hace doscientos y noventa y nueve años.” El ruso para no quedarse atrás dijo, “Nosotros excavamos quinientos pies y encontramos alambre eléctrico. Eso nos dice que hace cuatrocientos, noventa y nueve años ya éramos inalámbricos. ” El mexicano pensó un poco y luego dijo, “Nosotros excavamos mil pies y no encontramos nada. Eso quiere decir que por lo menos mil años ya éramos inalámbricos.”
SHE MAY RESURRECT
An American man in his thirties took his wife and mother-in-law on vacation to the Holy Land. While there the mother-in-law had a heart attack and died. Because it was too expensive to send the body back to the United States, the wife said: “Let’s bury my mother here. She would like that.” The husband said: “We have to send her back home. A man died here about two-thousand years ago and He resurrected. I don’t want your mother to resurrect.”
ELLA PUEDE RESUCITAR
Un hombre mexicano de unos treinta años llevó de vacaciones a la Tierra Santa a su esposa y a su suegra. Sucedió que la suegra tuvo un infarto y se murió. Como sería muy costoso mandar el cuerpo a México, la esposa dijo: “Enterremos a mi mamá aquí. Yo sé que eso le gustaría.” El esposo le contestó: “Tenemos que mandarla a México. Hace dos mil años un hombre murió aquí y resucitó. No quiero que tu mamá resucite.”
YOU ARE THE PRINCIPAL
“George, get up. You have to go to school,” the mother tells him. “I don’t want to go,” George tells her. “Why don’t you want to go,” the mother asks him. “The kids hate me, the teachers don’t like me and the secretaries laugh at me,” George tells his. “You have to go. After all, you are the principal,” his mother tells him.
TÚ ERES EL DIRECTOR
“Jorge, levántate. Tienes que ir al colegio,” le dice la mamá. “No quiero ir,” le responde Jorge. “?Por qué no quieres ir?” le pregunta la madre. Jorge le contesta, “Los estudiantes me odian, los profesores no me quieren y las secretarias se burlan de mí.” “Jorge, tienes que ir, porque tú eres el director,” le dice la mamá.
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER
There’s a Spanish proverb that says, “Mejor tarde que nunca,” which of course means, “Better late than Never.” Many people start late in life, but then they succeed. Some even change professions later on in life. It’s not how we start; it’s how we finish that counts.
MEJOR TARDE QUE NUNCA
En inglés hay un proverbio que dice, “Better late than never,” que significa, “Mejor tarde que nunca.” Muchas personas comienzan tarde en la vida, pero luego tienen éxito. Algunas hasta cambian de profesión en su segunda o tercera edad. No se trata de cómo comienza uno, sino de cómo termina.
THE FUNERAL
An American, a German and a Jew were at a funeral of a friend. The American told the other two: “I put five-hundred dollars in his casket.” The German said: “I did better than that. I put one thousand dollars in his pocket.” The Jew told the other two: “I did better than both of you. I took the fifteen hundred dollars you two gave him, and I put a five-thousand – dollar check under his body.”
EL FUNERAL
Un estadounidense, un alemán y un judío estaban en el funeral de un amigo de ellos. El americano les dijo a los otros dos: “Yo le puse quinientos dólares a mi amigo en el ataúd.” El alemán le contestó: “yo hice mejor que eso. Yo le puse mil dólares en el bolsillo.” El judío les dijo: “Yo hice mejor que ustedes. Yo tomé los mil quinientos dólares que ustedes le dieron, pero le puse un cheque por cinco mil dólares debajo de su cuerpo.”
WHO DISCOVERED AMERICA?
The teacher asked a third-grade class: “Who knows where America is?” The only one who raised her hand was Linda. The teacher said: “Linda, show us where America is on the map.” Mary goes to the front of the class and point to America on the map. The teacher asks: “Who knows who discovered America?” Johnny raises his hand. The teacher tells him: “Johnny tell us who discovered America.” Johnny tells her, “It was Linda. She just discovered it.”
¿QUIÉN DESCUBRIÓ AMÉRICA?
Una profesora del tercer grado le pregunta a su clase: “¿Quién sabe dónde está América?” Linda es la única que levanta la mano. La profesora le dice, “Linda, enséñanos donde está América.” Linda va al frente e indica en el mapa donde está América.” Luego la profesora le dice a Beto: “Betito, por favor dinos quién descubrió América.” Beto le dice, “Fue Linda. Acaba de descubrirla.”